6 years ago, on Tuesday August 4, 2009, God chose us to be recipients of His MIRACULOUS AMAZING GRACE and life as we knew it, changed forever. The doctors said “We’re sorry to tell you this but your husband has had a brain-stem stroke. This is a deadly condition that affects the blood supply to areas of the brain vital to his body’s basic life support functions. The brain stem is responsible for breathing, heart function, digestion, and alertness, which means this stroke can be dangerous. In other words, the on/off switch in his brain has been damaged beyond our repair.” The surgeons said “We’re sorry but we’ve done all we can. You should consider pulling the plug because this is as good as it gets for your husband. He will be on life support, feeding tubes and never talk again.” The neurologist said, “We’ve already contacted the Organ Donor association.” The specialist said “How would your husband feel if he knew you kept him on life support with feeding tubes and tracheotomy?” I said, “I don’t know! We’ll have to ask him when he wakes up.” God said “Wake up, Craig. It’s time for a reboot.”

The first 5 years were uncompromisingly challenging. We’ve found ourselves in desperate situations, often needing the help of others just to make it through another day. Days of grueling therapy, doctors’ appointments and mental uncertainties. Sleepless nights because you’re afraid he’s going to fall off the bed again and hit his head. Sleepless nights because his nightmares of running and fighting in his sleep may cause you to get hit again. Sleepless nights because you’re checking to make sure he didn’t shut down and the light is still at the end of the tunnel. Sleepless nights because you’re up asking God for added strength to keep you from going insane. Days filled with the anxiety of wondering if our family would totally fall apart as a result of this. Days of watching our children keep their emotions bottled up by refusing to talk about the effect this change in life has had on them. Months filled with silence and walking on egg shells so as not to disturb the angry man sitting in the corner of the couch. Months of watching him search for jobs and attend interviews, only to be rejected again. Months of watching him attempt to take classes so that he can find some sense of manly pride and responsibility. Years of watching depression suck the life out of your husband and father of your children. Seeing the look of failure and disappointment in his eyes because he’s no longer able to provide for his family. Feeling the pain of loneliness and abandonment from friends and family because of their lack of comprehending life as you now know it. Wondering if your husband will ever forgive himself, even though you’ve forgiven him repeatedly. Wondering if your children will continue to shoulder blame they have no right to shoulder. Days of trying to be everything for everyone while losing the remaining pieces of you. Several moments of “I’m not sure I want to do this anymore. Why can’t he see God’s grace on him? How long is he going to feel sorry for himself? When will we stop looking back and start moving forward?”

But this is a new year! It’s the 6th year! Yes it’s true that we’ve had a lot of exasperating moments but we’ve had some thankful moments, too. How long are we going to complain about what we don’t have, where we don’t live and who’s not in our lives when God has continued to be Jehovah-jireh! He’s given us grace upon grace upon grace! Roof over our heads. Clothes on our backs. Food in our bellies. And while we may not have everything we want we still have each other. Not one member of this family has died! We still have all 6 of our birth children and they still have their birth parents. I’m thankful that my husband can walk, talk and feed himself. I’m thankful that we don’t have to empty a colostomy bag several times a day and that he can go to the bathroom without assistance. I’m grateful there are no medical supply companies delivering tanks of oxygen to our home. I’m grateful that he doesn’t have a shunt in his head. I’m grateful all his organs are still intact, as far as we know. I’m grateful that he can see all of us with both his eyes. Not to mention, that in the 6 years since my husband’s stroke, he’s become a Grand-pop twice and he’s been able to attend 3 more graduations. I’m thanking God that all of our sons have graduated from high school. None of our sons have been incarcerated. None of our children are living in the streets and selling their bodies or drugs. All of them have gifts and talents given to them by God. And even when faced with traumatic trials or stressful situations, even when they want to run from life and even when they want to throw in the towel… they eventually do the right thing because they know God deserves their best. The blessing of having a dad at home in this day and time is nothing short of God’s amazing grace! God has given us 6 years and a side of grace!

#bigfaith #noroomfordoubt #HISgrace #tooblessedtobeungrateful #ourtestimonycontinues